Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Lenses and Blurry Roads

I remember having a blog to write to my kids hoping one day that I can put that in my will for them to read later. Something like... "oh besides this 3 million dollar worth of estate, check out my blog at".

"And don't forget to click on them adverts. We get more money when people click"

"except if they're indecent"

"or just weird"

Anyhow, it didn't quite work out. Didn't feel right and it was all gloomy and sad and stuff. Maybe I'd buy that book this IT dude wrote. He was dying and wrote a book full of wisdom to hand over to his son. That seems to be more useful than just "hey you guys! today i had nasi lemak, pisang goreng!!". Buy that, then read it and have some inspirations about what to write to kids.

(or copy paste terus n tukar nama so that it sounds like i'm so wise)

So upon introspect and looking back, I knew the problem to my writer's block seems to stem from one same fountain. The fountain of "when I grow up I don't wanna do anything". I really didn't want to do anything. One of those people you ask the thing they want to do more than anything and they answered: watch TV!!.

Game of Thrones didn't help keep me off that ambition.

So for the past few months I decided to change that. So I try to want something of this short world. I mean, you know, something meaningful to do. Not just the usual 'get rich, get a big house, 4 wives, 10 concubines and 11 girlfriends" kinda thing. Something like I want to grow trees so I can cut them down again and sell em off or build mobile dams so people can get electrocuted in remote parts of the world (just add a river of water!) or maybe...just maybe... ternak kambing.

Or ducks if that's the next awesome trend.

you know... stuffs that lets you look back and say... wow I did those?! (not that I'm saying surviving 4 wives catching you having 21 extras isn't impressive but you get what I mean la kan).

So when you know what you want to do, then you have a path to tread on. And when you have to tread on, you get to tell your kids about this road that doesn't lead to nowhere or a circle or dead end!

I decided to try motivational stuffs, do meditation and there was this one time, just this one time, tried watching raja lawak (i couldn't take it. maybe i'll try again after 2 years when I build enough strength). So I have some knowledge about getting motivated and keeping stress at bay (working so far) but I am still not sure what I want to do. Keep searching, teaD.

Gotta keep looking.

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